Sunday, January 23, 2011

The Dreader the Better!

My blogger-friend Karla was feeling poorly the other day, so I recommended that she get herself one of these,  the Yes, You're Probably Dying , a hypochondriac's key to worst case scenarios wheel, to help diagnose her condition.  And now I'd like to share my secret find with all of my Body of Work fans (i.e., both of you and the IRS).

A couple of years back, my cousin gifted this to me and to all of our hypochondrical relatives and I must say this gift just keeps on giving (kind of like syphilis).  It's perfect for that special someone who has everything -- or at least thinks he/she has everything, including malaria, a goiter, feline leukemia or Rift Valley fever.  In my family, we're highly educated, having all earned our Web-M.D.s. (that is to say, we acquired all our health and medical knowledge on the internet.  Who needs to schlepp to Harvard Medical School?)  With regard to diseases, our family motto is "The dreader, the better!"

The wheel works as follows:  around the circumference are listed common symptoms like nasal congestion and chills.  Line up the red arrow with that symptom and the You're Probably Dying wheel gives you an instant diagnosis.  But wait, there's more!  It also tells you what type of specialist to see, what to obsess over AND an alternative and less dramatic explanation for your ills.  Here's an example.  Today I woke up with CHILLS.  The wheel told me:

Instant diagnosis:  I may have malaria!  (How fun is that?)
Doctor-type explanation of diagnosis:  Malaria is an infectious parasite-borne disease
Specialist to see:  Infectious disease
What to obsess about (as though I needed help on this one):  Flashbacks
But it's probably just:  Not layering enough.

How cool is that????

Given the wheel's sturdy cardboard construction, if you get tired of it, you could always use it as a back brace.  Or, stick it in your patient's mouth so she has something to bite down upon when you're performing a do-it-yourself, at-home amputation and you're plum out of whiskey to knock out your patient.

1 comment:

  1. Let's see . . . to whom do I have the nerve to gift this?