Monday, November 1, 2010

D is for Dentist

After a total of 29 years of parenting, during which neither Thing 1 nor Thing 2 ever had a bad dental appointment, I didn't think that kids could even get cavities anymore.  With fluoridated water, vitamins with fluoride and all kinds of special gunk that the dentist paints on their molars, I thought that kids' teeth were as safe from decay as I am from being mistaken for Halle Berry on the street.

But that changed with Thing 2's latest appointment when the dentist found two cavities.  She delivered this news almost apologetically, explaining that the teeth that were decayed had a genetic vulnerability, and the cavities weren't the result of my feeding Thing 2 donuts, coke and bubble gum for breakfast every morning, as is my wont.

This was a pediatric dentist, mind you, which ressembles a "regular" dentist's office as much as, well, as much as I ressemble Halle Berry.  With Guitar Hero and a variety of other videogames in the waiting room, a television above every chair, painted clouds on the ceiling, a myriad of toothpaste flavor choices, stickers, prizes - everything but a live performance of  JackAss - PLUS Thing 2 got to miss an hour and a half of school - this experience was a far cry from a visit to the dentist of my youth  (at which said dentist approached me with a 10-inch needle, peered lecherously into my face and barked that it was ALL MY FAULT that I had ten cavities).

So Thing 2 even got to choose the flavor of his laughing gas (he chose mint) and since we're returning to fill a second cavity next week, the dental assistant handed me the nose "bulb" through which it was administered in a plastic bag to take home and bring back at our next visit.  It still has some traces of nitrous oxide in it, I know, because we passed it around during Family Game Night, each of us took a toke sniff and Battleship and Life were funnier and more engaging than they had ever been.  The Doritos tasted mighty fine too.


  1. Laughing gas for cavities? Say it aint so . . .

  2. I need this dentist! Do they do adults too?! :)

  3. Glad you came and joined my facebook group. Your writing style is very funny so I hope we can help you get your blog out there!
    Louise Edington
    International AuPair Finder

  4. I get laughing gas for cleaning! Of course I have to pay $38 extra, since my insurance won't cover it. Butm that's a small price for the pain I would be in without the gas..I'm not talking about the pain of the procedure itself, its the pain that comes afterwards from holding my mouth open that long...I have TMJ and in some ways it is a blessing..cuz the gas is pretty

  5. I'm the opposite... I refused the gas even when I got my wisdom teeth removed! Chemicals scare me, esp. for kids. Absolutely LOVE your writing!

  6. I didn't need any laughing gas to enjoy this little tale and roll with laughter. My future visits to the dentist will never be the same again.