One Free Cat

Have I told you the story of our "free" cat?

The kids were clamouring for a pet, so we decided to go to the local shelter where the felines were plentiful and free of charge.

The cat that Thing 1 picked out wasn't available for release on Saturday, so I made plans to return on Tuesday, when he was in school, to pick up her up.

I returned on Tuesday and Free Cat was mine.  For a small fee to support the shelter.

One free cat = $40.

I didn't have a cat carrier, so the shelter placed her in a cardboard carrier (which was indeed free).  I put her on the floor of the van, next to me, for the 12 minute ride home.

On the way home, Free Cat meowed pitifully from inside her prison.  Then I started to hear scratching.  Scratch, scratch.  Then ripping.  Rip, rip.  And then, out of the corner of my eye, I see Free Cat's head emerging from the decimated side panel of the carrier.  Followed by one leg.  Then another.  Until Free Cat is doing the cat walk around the van, like America's Next Top Model.

At this point, above the sound of Free Cat's meows,  I hear a police siren and see flashing lights in my rearview mirror. 

One free cat = $40 plus an unspecified moving violation plus 2 points on my license.

We take Free Cat to the vet for her check-up and shots, where we learn that we are eligible for state-funded low cost spaying services because she came from the shelter.  However, since it's the end of the month, all available state funds have been depleted, and we have to wait until next month for a low cost spay.

Except that we can't.  It appears that Free Cat may be expecting and spaying cannot wait until next month.

One free cat =  $40 plus an unspecified moving violation plus 2 points on my license plus $135 vet fee plus $80-$100 for spaying.

We find a veterinary clinic to have the cat spayed.  I go with Thing 2 for her "pre-op check-up."  Thing 2 brings along his Nintendo DS, which he received for Chanukah three days prior.  After Free Cat is examined and cleared for surgery, we pay the fee, purchase a real cat carrier ($25) and start to leave.  At which point Thing 2 realizes that his DS is missing.

One free cat =  $40 plus an unspecified moving violation plus 2 points on my license plus a $135 vet fee plus $100 for spaying plus $25 for a cat carrier plus $130 for eventually replacing Nintendo DS, plus some retail therapy to ease for my pain and suffering.

I go to court to fight my ticket.  The DA offers me a plea bargain:  no points, but a $300 fee, which includes kickbacks to a variety of NJ politicos.  I take the deal and get ready to leave when my cell phone rings.  It's DH, wondering whether I "got out" of my ticket.  Why?  "Cause I just got one for speeding."

One free cat = $40 plus an unspecified moving violation  $300 ticket plus 2 points on my license plus $135 vet fee plus $100 for spaying plus $25 for cat carrier and $130 for eventually replacing Nintendo DS, plus some retail therapy for my pain and suffering.

Having a cat who shares the remote?  Priceless.