Thursday, April 7, 2011

Triple Threat

In the wee, small hours of the morning, when I'm tossing and turning (and sending cats flying) while contemplating the futility of life, Spanx and the quest for an honest politician, I torture myself about the failure of my blog to go viral.

I've read a lot about blogging and know that the most successful bloggers have focus.  They write about business or music or gardening or witchcraft - anything that is interesting to a discrete group of individuals.  Their readers return to the blog day after day to get more of their "fix" of the topic at hand.  And their authors publicize their blogs by visiting other forums, related blogs, or ezines on the same topic - and leaving a trail leading back to their own site, like so many breadcrumbs.

The two of you who read me regularly know that there's no rhyme or reason (or purpose or value....) to this blog.  So in order to right those wrongs, today I'm going to discuss three popular topics - the workplace, relationships and finances. Today I am a focused triple threat to the blogosphere!

The Workplace:
  • Do not utter the words "mission statement" in my presence.  I will remove your dashboard and summon up your KPIs.
  • Lunchtime was designed to regroup and decompress.  But if you can simultaneously cook the company books or steal office supplies while shoving a turkey wrap down your throat, so much the better - it's so much more efficient.
  • Dress for success; dress "up" for the position you want; and, unlike some of the younger folk - -just get dressed before you come to work in the morning.
  • Do unto others - before they do anything untoward towards or onto you.  Particularly if they are much bigger than you and have a lifetime membership at Equinox.
  • Don't ignore any chance for love.  You just never know when that unexpected meeting in the infectious disease holding cell might turn into something meaningful, permanent and catching.
  • Never discuss old loves or disgusting habits on a first date.  Especially if they are one and the same.
  • Watching Donald Trump's "The Apprentice" does not make you a Financial Tycoon anymore than watching Masterpiece Theater makes you British.  
  • Save money for a rainy day -- but don't deprive yourself.  Splurge on some new dental caps or a fresh box of baking soda every now and again.
  • Don't feel compelled to leave your children a large nest egg.  It's a tough world out there and it's about time they learned it - and what better place to teach this lesson than at the reading of the will, having already exited stage left?
There - bracing myself now for going viral!  Into the Infectious Disease holding cell - never know who I'll meet.


  1. Don't feel bad...I'm not exactly viral either. I just can't focus on one thing....It's called OLMW (Old Lady's Mind Wanders.)

  2. The point about finances, absolutely brilliant. "Borrowed" it for my FB status this AM!

  3. Which point, DEHausfrau? I made three wonderful points.

  4. I tweeted your three-point focus....away you go!

  5. I just spent almost two hours coming up to speed with reading articles about the status of our country. It's left me depressed and hopeless. But, it also let me respond to your blog.

    employment-We are no longer employees, we're hostages to the need for health benefits.

    Relationships-not much to speak on here, except maybe I have several friends who remain married while living apart, again health coverage is the culprit.

    And of course fiances. Prices go up, salaries stay the same or are cut. Government spending is out of control in every arena (federal and state.) I find it interesting that the proposed budget cuts are to making citizens at risk of losing health care, increasing taxes and education. What, there's no pork spending to cut? Spending that protects special interest groups.

  6. Today the WHO announced that the super-bugs are out of control because of over use of antibiotics. IBM announced that they developed a tiny drug, called a nanoparticle, that in test-tube experiments showed promise as a weapon against dangerous super-bugs that have become resistant to antibiotics. All in all...another sign of the end of days. Or depends on my mood....

  7. Focus, ah -- that explains why my column never went viral after 20 years. My focus is actually *being* unfocused.

  8. Joan, you blog like I do....only much much better and funnier. LOVE the "infectious disease holding cell". LOVE all your workplace advice. Words to live by. You rock. And I'm one tiny cog in that viral train.....or did I just really screw up that metaphor?
    Whatever.....GOOD stuff!