Thursday, September 30, 2010

Don't Hate Me Because I'm So Accomplished!

You might assume my days pass in a pleasant orgy of sleeping late, leisurely lunches, shopping jags and tv watching, due to the fact that I'm not currently working outside the home.  Not true!  (Except for the tv part...)  In reality, I'm up early and on some days, just raring to go.

Take yesterday, for example.  Here is what I had already accomplished by the time I deposited Thing 2 on the school bus at 8:45 a.m.:

  • Self administered three intravenous cups of coffee.
  • Called out the name of a recalcitrant Thing 2 approximately 100 times - the first three times tenderly, the next five times sweetly, and the next 92 times with my teeth clenched, choking back increasing degrees of impatience, fury and desperation.  (By the way, I love the word "recalcitrant" and so rarely have the opportunity to use it - so thank you).
  • Read a chapter from The Psychological and Social Impact of Illness and Disability for my social work class.  Yes indeed.
  • Forgot everything I read in the chapter from The Psychological and Social Impact of Illness and Disability.
  • Cleaned out my refrigerator, including scrubbing the syrup-encrusted shelves and throwing out three months' worth of science experiments.  The last time I cleaned the fridge was in late May, the day after losing my job.  At the time I worried that without a paycheck, DH would want to replace me with a younger and more employable model - so I sought to prove that I was still the workhorse he married by scouring and purging. 
  • Cleaned out the bowl of the FISH THAT JUST WON'T DIE.  I won't go into what this entails, but suffice it to say that if I ever invite you to dinner at my house, don't eat the steamed broccoli.  (I warned you).
  • Made lunch for Thing 2.  I won't have to do this again tomorrow because he will bring home the same lunch -- untouched -- at the end of the day and I will slip it back into his knapsack tomorrow. 
          It's a pretty efficient system until the Wonder Bread starts growing mold.

  • Washed last night's pots and pans and put them in the dish drain.  Where they will remain until I cook dinner again next year, completely circumventing the need for kitchen cabinets.
  • Rearranged the papers on my kitchen counter (for a more detailed explanation of my officially sanctioned method of filing, see


  1. fish has a better chance of dying if you stop cleaning its bowl! just my opinion

  2. I am sensing a wee bit of passive-aggressiveness coming from Long Island, this morning, eh Miss Vicki?

  3. If I may say so, you need a more care-free environment for the fish. Something like this will keep the water clean, and make you (and the fish) happy to cohabitate: