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Friday, February 18, 2011

It's all becoming clear....or maybe not

I stopped wearing my contact lenses and my progressive bifocals a couple of years ago when I drove my van into a fruit fly perched on the windshield, thinking it was an exit ramp on the turnpike. 

Other than that, I've had relatively good luck with my eyes.  I didn't wear glasses at all until I turned 30.  They were big glasses, overwhelming my petite frame and making me look like a stick figure encased in a snowglobe.  I was nearsighted, which meant that while I could comfortably read, I couldn't for the life of me find my way to the bookstore or library.  Over the years, I tried different styles of frames, but never quite found one that complemented my Audrey Hepburn Herman Munster good looks.

So I finally decided to try contact lenses and it might be an understatement to say that in them I found religion. When after three weeks I finally became accustomed to the continuous sensation of three million grains of sand in each eye, I felt light and free (or as light and free as you can with the Hamptons floating in your vitreous humour).



This worked for a few years, until I turned 40 and developed presbyopia.  You might not know the term, but you can spot the sufferers in any restaurant.  We're the ones sitting at the table against the wall, while a kindly stranger holds our menus up across the room so that we can order dinner.

The problem (there's always a "problem") was that if I wore contacts, I couldn't see both near and far. When my obstetrician opthamologist suggested that I wear $10 drugstore reading glasses over my contacts to counteract this problem, I grew despondent, finally agreeing to wear progressives, which, with a mere shift of my gaze up or down, allowed me to take advantage of the specially calibrated glass:  distance on top, nearby on the bottom.

Except (there's always an "except") dividing the lens in two meant I had only 50% of the usual lens surface  to peer through, whether reading or driving.  This felt limiting, so I finally threw away both glasses and lens and am currently going without.

See?  Good.  Cause I can't.

12 comments:

  1. I wear different lenses in each eye so I don't have to wear reading glasses anymore. I have always worn regular glasses for seeing into the distance (myopia), then it became reading glasses with contacts and well...let's just say I'm one of my eye doctor's best customers. The progressive sunglasses are a ripoff! Great blog-

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  2. My spreadsheets are so small that even with readers no one can read them! I just got multifocal contacts and love them! No adjustment period. See I typed this without squinting!

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  3. What a great read Joan :)

    I cracked up at the menu reading :) My mums arms were never long enough till she got her reading glasses.

    "See? Good. Cause I can't." brilliant!! love it.

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  4. I used to laugh at my mom and dad at church...one's arm wasn't long enough and the other's weren't short enough to hold the hymn book...LOL

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  5. I wear progressives and have for years. Love them. I have severe astigmatism, and they didn't make contacts that worked well for that years ago. I guess they do now, but I'm so accustomed to my glasses, I think I'd look strange without them!

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  6. Great to read a funny enlightening post from another eye obsessive. My left eye is legally blind far-sighted, right eye sorta-get-around-all-right in the house near-sighted. Plus macular degen and one big annoying permanent floater that my opthamologist said my brain would adapt to a year ago but she lied. Wore contacts for years w/reading glasses. Just now trying glasses only, and take them off to read, write and other close stuff like fixing vacuum cleaner. Never drive w/o lenses - restrictive license, plus can't tell cars from buildings. Sorry to rattle on - too eye-bsessive here. Oh, I like the outside darkening lenses. Make me look mysterious walking into Walmart.

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  7. Very funny stuff! Love the way you "look" at life! (get it? LOOK) Gawd I crack myself up sometimes.

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  8. After bragging my whole life about being 20/20, I too went blind at 30. Well, I could no longer see things like street signs or gate information in the airport. I've inquired about Lasik, but apparently I need to become MORE blind first. So for now I wait in blurry land and hope I don't step off a cliff.

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  9. I knew this beautiful girl who wore the black frame Clark Kent nerd glasses. She spent Saturday nights alone in her apartment, not squinting at some sappy romance on TV.

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  10. I love those big frame glasses. I used to have some sunglasses with big frames, but eventually I toned it down.

    Good luck driving around. Makes me glad I live in Ohio... ;)

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  11. Ohh.. I'm not that familiar with those glasses. All I know is that I'm a near-sighted person. I've been wearing nerdy glasses for a decade now, and I think, I should change my frames; it's too old already. =)

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  12. Those glasses are too big for you, darling. But still, they look great on you so it's okay for you to use them. When it gets harder to drive around town because of your blurry eyes, it's better for you to consult your optometrist. Prevention is far better than cure.

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