Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Putting out fires at work

I’m not into Feng Shui like some are, but I do like to have a nicely appointed personal space in which to work. So now that I’m working from home for real (my new job is a telecommunting one - yeah!), I’ve arranged the area around my desk in an inspiring, yet professional and motivating, way.

There’s my radio (from which alternately issues forth NPR and jazz), photographs of Things 1 and 2, postcards of quilts, the dozen roses my husband gave me for V-Day, meaningful personal mementos like the amigurami Domo I crocheted up last summer, dying plants, my files, my rolodex, etc.  It's a pretty inviting, space:  professional - yet personal; tidy - yet lived in; functional- yet quirky: a place where I am motivated to move mountains and write mission statements till the cows come home.

Today, to complete the look and to ensure a calm, Zen-like day (like I've seen on tv) I decided to light some candles.

(You know where this is going, don't you?)

Dear Reader, before I could shout "Town Hall meeting!" I had set my Bounty paper towel - a remnant of my two-Diet Pepsi business lunch - on fire. At first, it merely darkened the edges of the “Quicker Picker Upper,” but then the paper towel was quickly enveloped in flames, reminding me that I'm a contract employee and lack disability insurance.

Fortunately, there's an "en suite" bathroom in my "office" (reserved only for the most senior - or most incontinent - of employees). I rushed the burning mess over to the  bathroom where I pushed aside my wet pantyhose, ignored the globs of toothpaste in the sink (what kind of slobs work here anyway?), tossed it down and turned on the faucet.

This is a true story.

I’ve had to put out fires at work before, but never literally (I wrote that last line by myself, by the way).

So, no more candles for me. From what I heard at my performance review, they may not let me play with scissors in the future, either.  I just can't be trusted.


  1. You are too funny! A stapler may be a dangerous weapon in your hands as well!

  2. Did you read Lauren Stevens blog? It was created for people like you and me.

  3. Lmao "you know whe this is going don't you?"

  4. ROFL. Any of us writers out there can surely relate. My gf even bought me those Scentsy light bulb scented thingys because I seem to have a scary fascination with candles on my desk. I'm sure I'll figure out a way to "heat up" the Scentsy as well. I've already waxed my typing fingers from playing with the bowl.

  5. @Eva -- anything without rounded edges is dangerou in my hands.
    @Shelly - must look it up! Glad to know there are genres specifically for my ilk!
    @Theresa - I thought of the LED candles - but I could probably still set the house on fire!

  6. Ha - @ Shelly - I've been thinking the same thing! Actually I think I mentioned it on a previous comment here.

    Joan - Be careful not to appear unhappy at work anytime in the near future or they may mistake you as a disgruntled employee trying to burn down the office.

    If you want to check out my blog I'm at (Blog title still TBD!)