Typically, I'm ready to slit my wrists by about 9:15 a.m., but I hold it together for the sake of the kids, who can hold out until at least 9:30 if we have enough peanut M&Ms and licorice left over from breakfast. So, tomorrow, for a change of pace and since I'm all in favor of education and stuff, we're going to do a little anthropological experiment.
We're going to the mall.
I want the kids to know how the other half lives: what it's like to get stuck in traffic backed-up so far, it's still Thanksgiving Day somewhere; how it feels to circle the parking lot so many times you get dizzy and nauseous and qualify for a Nascar event; whether the pain of a cleated sneaker on your back is mitigated by saving 40% off on a Chia Pet.
But we're going to do Black Friday LITE. We won't leave the house at 3 a.m., we won't bring a battering ram, we won't have a "strategy."
It will just be "us" against "them." I'll report back on Monday.
Hold me. I'm scared.
