Jesus in the Canned Goods Aisle

I was pushing my cart past the stewed tomatoes in the A&P this morning (remembering my mother's warning of 10+ years ago that I should always push my cart in the center of said aisle, lest a wayward can of soup fall onto my baby's head), when I heard the telltale "ba-ba!" of a text message arriving.  I grabbed my phone (morbidly afraid that it would be the school's alert system, announcing an early closing due to the 1" of snow we're experiencing this morning).  But it was a message of a kinder, different nature.  Here is an excerpt:

 The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you. Something good will happen to you today, something that you have been waiting to hear. Please do not break. Just 27 Words, "God our Father, walk through my house and take away all my worries and illnesses and please watch over and heal my family in Jesus name, Amen." This prayer is so powerful. Pass this to 12 people including me. A blessing is coming to you in the form of a new job (YES!), a house, health, marriage, or financially. Do not break or ask questions. This is a test. Does God come first in your life? If so, stop what you're doing and send it to 12 people now. Watch what He does.

All this in a 1 1/4 by 1" Samsung screen. From someone I don't know in Bloomfield, NJ (thank you Reverse Look-up).

So I thought about my day thus far, standing there amongst the Ragu and the Ronzoni, and realized that I had already been blessed.  I didn't have a single fight with Thing 2 as he got ready for school, I fit into a pair of pants that I had no business fitting into and I had had the time to watch a very entertaining episode of Millionnaire Matchmaker I had DVRed. 

And more blessings were yet to come!  I saved $33.06 on a $116.94 bill (nearly 30%).  I have dinner all planned for the next two nights (this is a bigger deal than you might think).  And this was even without forwarding on the prayer.

So, since I don't pray to Jesus and I'm not going to be using this prayer, I thought I would forward it on to those of you who can use it.  From text message to blog.  It's a techno-spiritual world out there.  Wishing you everything you wish for yourselves.

I'd Like to Thank the Academy...

...and Karla Telega, who blogs at Telega Tales and Tart Cookies.  She informed me today that I had won a contest she was sponsoring at her blog that I didn't even know that I had entered.  I won two dozen homemade cookies of my choice!  (For the record, I chose chocolate chip, because I've never met Karla- and I didn't know if she was up to making Pfeffernüsse - or if I could spell Pfeffernusse correctly).   

Karla is a very talented humor writer and writes one of the few blogs I read on a regular basis.  It is definitely worth a visit.

Thanks again, Karla Telega of Telega Tales and Tart Cookies!

Megamillions - Not

I've always been puzzled why the entire country goes into a frenzy when the Megamillions jackpot climbs up a high as it did last night - $380 million.

Is a prize of, oh, let's say, $125 million, not worthy of a drive to your local bodega or 7-11 for a chance to "be in it to win it?"

I never play the lottery.  On the rare occasions when I've let my mind wander to what I would do if I were to win a large jackpot, my hands get sweaty and I start to hyperventilate.  Because it's hard to imagine being any less productive than I am now, in my current state of Denial.  And I'd no longer have as an excuse for not buying my Things the stuff I don't want them to have, like diamond nose studs or miniature ponies, with my standard "we can't afford it."

The most excited I have ever been is the night that DH and I won a 50-50 raffle at a Hadassah event and came home with $80, a amount that effectively paid for the evening and the babysitter.  It doesn't take a lot to make me happy - not even a miniature pony.

I love technology

A few months ago, Chase was running a television commercial in which a young couple, still dressed in their wedding finery, bounced on their wedding bed while whispering to each other in come hither voices, "I've been waiting for this all day." 

What they had been waiting for, it turns out, was the chance to take photographs of the checks they had received on their big day, which, through the magic of technology, an app and an IPhone, would be instantaneously deposited to their Chase account.

No need to miss a minute of that Honeymooners marathon on tv by sprinting out to the bank.

I can understand their excitement (in a "been married 23 years, much older and fatter" kind of way).  My bank recently made it possible to deposit our checks at the ATM without so much as an envelope. I just slip the check(s) in a slot, the machine slurps them up and in a few seconds a scanned version appears on the screen, including the total deposited.  No more fumbling with an abacus or a slide ruler to figure out my deposit. 

I just love this technology.  I actually look forward to going to the bank.  I just wish I had more checks to deposit.  And I'm looking forward to the day when I figure out what an "app" is so I can do my banking directly from my bed.

A message from my sponsor - Kosher Advantage

I was approached by a company called Kosher Advantage that would like to offer a special deal to all readers of Body of Work - AND their friends!

Kosher Advantage is a program that promises to save you money if you spend at least $10 per week on kosher food at restaurants and butchers: up to 15% off at over 200 kosher markets, restaurants, and stores in the New York Metro area (and many other states and Canada - a list of participanting stores and restaurants is available at www.KosherAdvantage.com/participants). This includes fine establishments in Teaneck, Highland Park, Metuchen, Brooklyn, Elizabeth...and many more -- everywhere the kosher crowd likes to dine!


Membership costs just $3.99 per month and can be closed at any time. Upon joining Kosher Advantage, members will receive a membership card. They simply show the card, receive the discount, and then pay the balance of their bill.

But wait....there's more!

Readers of my blog will receive the first three months free when they join Kosher Advantage using promo code “joanbodyofwork.” You can also join by calling Kosher Advantage 646.479.7118.  (And yes, I DO get a kickback everytime someone joins....)

Here's a link to make it easy for you to explore the many advantages of Kosher Advantage:

Kosher Advantage

So essen, mein kinder, essen... you're looking a little skinny.  And don't forget to tell them that Joan from Body of Work sent you!

Who am I kidding?

There's no way I'm going to enter the Special K Challenge....

Beyond the Cashier

A few days before Christmas I went to hell Walmart to pick up a few essential items: cookies, tealights and toilet paper.  While I was there, I managed to fill up my cart with a ton of other items.  You know how it goes when you're prancing around the Devil's Playground with $5.28 burning a hole in your pocket.

Walmart is a stretch for a retail-challenged person like me on any day of the year, but a mere few days before Christmas, it's virtually big-box suicide.  Which is why I am finally getting the following puzzlement off my chest by sharing it with you.

What's with all that merchandise beyond the check-out aisles?

I'm talking about the shelves and shelves of merchandise piled high directly past the cashiers, items you don't see until after you've waited in line for half an hour, behind other "guests" who take their screaming quintuplets shopping, attempt to pay with five hundred dollar bills or Euros or pennies, or realize just as they reach the front of the line that they left their wallet behind.  In the bathroom.  In the back of the store.

Do the Walmart execs realistically believe that I'll grab an item at the front of the store, turn back and do it all again?

Fie on you, Walmart.  I'll just have to do without a Santa Claus Chia Pet for another year.